NurtureGirl

creating conversations: receiving with grace April 23, 2008

Conversations….mmmm, I love having them. But the art of conversation is not celebrated enough in our culture. And it is becoming ever more critical online as we struggle with tools that don’t communicate facial expressions or even intonation. So what can we do to bring forth conversation and nurture it?

Of course there are some simple obvious answers: ask questions and express gratitude. Come from a state of curiosity.

But how about receiving with grace? We have valued being independent or autonomous so highly that many of us have lost touch with the ability to receive with grace. Allow other people to feel good about their contribution. Don’t quickly close the social reciprocity contract–you know that sense that you have to return the favor? Don’t take it to be a sign that you are a slacker or a mooch! What a negative framing that is…although it does point to people who are not being gracious about receiving (or our jealousy of those that do receive with ease).

Keep in mind that people don’t see the world for what it is, they see it for what they are. Most people think about themselves, especially in our competitive culture. If you allow people to see themselves positively, they will see you positively.

I had a lovely friend who spoke about those in his social network in the most flattering terms. He said how brilliant and creative they were. And it made me feel like I must be pretty brilliant or creative to be included in his world, since that was clearly what he filtered for. And I had the sense that when he talked about me to others, he was saying amazing things about me (ones I might not even be able to believe about myself). Oh, was he ever attractive to spend time with!

What can you celebrate in others? Especially when they have given you something. Instead of returning the favor, do them a different sort of favor by saying very specifically what you see them having done for you (or for others), how that works for your needs and values, and how thankful you are for it. This is NOT a display of your weakness, in fact it shows your confidence and strength.

Allow it to create a flow in conversation toward common connection–shared celebration of shared values, other instances of gratitude or other things to be grateful for. Be patient in listening and clearly ask for more. I mean clearly as in “can you tell me more about that?” Or “What I hear you saying is ‘insert summary or key points‘ and I would love to know more about how you came to that/where you want to do with that.”

Receive with grace and enjoy your conversations flourishing–online and off.

Chicago Net Tuesday on March 11 February 27, 2008

Join Us as Community Advocates & Web Innovators

Social change makers and web innovators have come together in cities across the nation to share ideas, network, and build community web resources and network. Now join us, so Chicago can grow more technology savvy social change organizations that benefit our local communities.

Staff and volunteers of non-profits, web innovators, and any individuals pushing for change are encouraged to attend. Our first meeting offers opportunity to share about your work and learn about others in the area. Come tell us about your effort, your concerns, and what you need and want from a collective of like-minded individuals and organizations. Future meetings will also provide presentations on web tools that better enable communities and organizations to mobilize for change.

Similar coalitions currently exist in Atlanta, Houston, New York, Phoenix, Portland, San Francisco, Seattle, Vancouver, Washington DC and Guayaquil, Ecuador. These “Net Tuesday” meetings are a program of NetSquared, (http://www.netsquared.org), whose mission is to spur responsible adoption of social web tools by social benefit organizations. NetSquared is a project of TechSoup (http://www.techsoup.org) the technology place for nonprofits.
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Meeting Details:

Date: Tuesday, March 11th, 2008

Time: 6pm-7:30pm

Location: The Point
600 W. Chicago Ave, Suite 830
(entrance is North on Larabee)
Chicago, IL 60610

RSVP to Aaron With at The Point, please, so we can be sure to have adequate refreshments for your enjoyment: aaron@thepoint.com or call 312.676.4535.

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Public Transportation: 600 W. Chicago is a 4 block walk west from the Chicago stop on the Brown Line. The Chicago Avenue (#66) bus drops you off directly in front of the building at Larabee.

Parking Information: There is some limited free parking 1-2 blocks North on Larabee. Metered parking on Chicago 1-3 blocks East, though this is often taken. Paid parking across the street from our building costs $6 for under 2 hours and $8 for 2-4 hours.

Getting in the building: The Point’s offices are in Suite 830. The entrance is off of Larabee. Enter the main doors just North of “Kitsch’n” & “David Barton Gym” and go to the security desk. Tell them who you are and that you should be on the guest list for “The Point.” They’ll give you a visitor’s pass. Walk through the turnstyles to the elevators. Go to the 8th floor. Follow the green circular plastic signs leading you to The Point. That’ll take you down a long hall & through glass doors & you’ll see The Point’s logo. Ask the receptionist there where The Point’s office is & she’ll point you our way. If its not clear, call Aaron at 312.676.4535

Sponsor: The first meeting will be hosted and sponsored by The Point (www.thepoint.com), a new group action network that helps people congregate around the issues they care about and combine forces to make things happen. Campaigns (group actions) on The Point are all based on the “tipping point” model – participants take action to solve their problem, but only once a critical mass of people have committed such that the collective action will “tip” the issue and force a change.

Organizers:

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Draft Gore November 22, 2007

Happy Thanks-be-giving day. As we enjoy our sumptuous lives of abundance today and give thanks for all that has been given to us, let us reflect on our choices…and take giving action.

As you might have noticed from the title of this post, I want to talk about giving to something in particular.

We have some great candidates for president next year. And I appreciate their willingness to stand up and fight for what it is right, after we have endured so many years of what is wrong. I know many dear friends have been counting the days until the reign of Bush comes to an end. However, I feel that none of the running candidates can do for our country and our world what Al Gore can do. I urge you to join with me and millions of others to push for Al Gore for president.

It didn’t occur to me to do anything until I saw a friend listing a draftgore site. And I read a little. And I thought about it. Really? Hmmm, what would that mean? What would that do?

We need radical change. To be honest, I feel like we have 3-5 years to make some major shifts in the way we are in the world and the way things work and the way we deal with each other. I don’t feel like this country or the world has time for a novice to come in and make international alliances. I also feel like our credibility internationally has been so badly compromised, we need a well regarded international figure with guts to show the world we are serious, as a country, and as a people, about being in the world differently. A Nobel Peace Prize winner as president can say that. We, as a people, have also lost so much faith in government figures to hold to their principles. When Clinton can be impeached for his escapades with a gal, but Bush can commit so many serious crimes against the state without being impeached…how could we possibly trust public figures to hold to principles? Clearly the nation’s best interests are not in the hearts of politicians. However, Al Gore is a figure that I trust to rise above all that.

From the Democracy for America site:

The Draft Gore movement is inspiring. It’s bold. Passionate. Committed. They’ve found a candidate that was against the war from the beginning, stands up for universal health care and will fight to stop global warming. A man who is respected around the world with years of foreign policy experience. A candidate who ran before and won. The candidate that can win again.

If Gore took the office, he would be able to go immediately into action. He already has international respect. He is very clear on his environmental vision, and his conviction is strong. He has a vast amount of support. Not everyone, of course, but strong support. We need to show him that.

We can’t take this election by a small margin. We must take it by a wide one, or the vote rigging will be invoked again. And if it is, Gore is experienced on that, and I don’t think he would back down this time. This time, I think he would have too much support. Last time we let him down by not crying out more loudly and demonstrably.

Will Gore run? I don’t know, but my hope is that if enough of us show that we believe in him and that he has a very serious chance of winning, he might. It is but a hope. I don’t know him personally, and I have not heard him say it. Will you go to DraftGore.com and sign the petition this thanks-be-giving day and show your thanks that we could have a candidate to make real and significant changes for a better world for all?

Inspired Philanthropy October 23, 2007

Today, we release the website for the forthcoming 3rd edition of Inspired Philanthropy. Phil blogged it.

I have been honored to participate in the development of this edition. Also, Tracy has asked that I refer to myself as co-founder of Inspired Legacies, because of my involvement in some of the development, creation, and projects of Inspired Legacies since August of 2005. I am deeply honored by and grateful for this designation!

Now through November 6th, a Donor Diva Challenge, allows anyone who buys Inspired Philanthropy, to designate a free copy to a nonprofit of their choice! Buy the book and give the book to a nonprofit. Give the gift of transformational giving.

Also, note, National Philanthropy Day is November 15th!

Honored by Razoo October 22, 2007

A friend pointed me to “A Little Thanks Is In Order to Razoos Top 25 Members“.

I am honored to be celebrated with such change agents and collaborators.

I also must acknowledge that this comes as a result of the connections formed and work done at Omidyar.net community, which transferred over to Razoo, allowing me to connect with many people and immediately jump in to many groups and causes. It was a reputation transfer of sorts. It was certainly not because I have been super active on Razoo. I have been focused full-blast for the last month with a brilliant and valuable project which I will announce tomorrow. (hint, hint)

Green Dinners October 19, 2007

Recently an amazing network weaver friend, Steve “Habib” Rose, passed away unexpectedly. I have been thinking about this idea for many months, as it relates to his efforts around neighborhoods connecting. And I decided I best get started! Please feel free, if you knew Habib, to host a Green Dinner in his name. Suggested topics for conversation might be peace and neighborhood networking.

Now is the time. Connect to those you care about and take action on what matters to you.

Green Dinners allow people in our local community to come together, not only to enjoy each others company, but also to bring up relevant issues occurring in our neighborhood that we’d like to change. It’s a great opportunity to meet people, strengthen friendships, eat nourishing food, and to get in touch with your community.

Green Dinners first initiated with Beyond Today.

I think this is a brilliant idea. After attending a gathering in Houston of local spiritual folks to talk about spirituality facilitated by the book and cards of Amazing Faith of Texas, I thought, why are we not doing this for green issues?

What you need to host a green dinner:

* Space to host dinners
* list of neighbors or community members to invite
* invitation (may or may not request food be shared and be local, fair-trade, organic)
* open attitude

Connect face-to-face around the issues you care about and discuss them over a shared meal, potluck style.

Please host or attend a Green Dinner in your community. Invite your friends over to discuss green issues, whatever that means to you.

For now, please use the http://www.wiserearth.org/group/GreenDinners/ to share and discuss. I encourage you to post photos and highlights of conversations. By naming these events and conversations, I hope you will help me spread the word about the importance of a Greener World. The more we talk about it, name it, expand it, the more it spirals out into the world, inspiring and evolving this great work of ours.

Opportunities to help Green Dinners: help write a standard invitation, help create simple guide to facilitation of conversation, sponsor dinners and share online about them. Get other people involved.

Network Weaver, Habib, passes on October 5, 2007

I am very sad about the surprising news that Steve “Habib” Rose has passed away. He was an inspiration to me and a delightful friend. We still had projects in the air, and I feel hesitant to do the work without Habib. I first met him in Seattle at an event for Wiser Earth where Paul Hawken spoke about Wiser Earth and Blessed Unrest.

In honor of a fabulous network weaver, please contact someone you know (best if it is a weak tie) just to do it, just to connect and see what happens.

A memorial celebration of the life of Steve Habib Rose will be held on Sunday, October 7th from 4 to 5:30 pm at University Friends Meeting, 4001 9th Avenue NE, Seattle, WA, to be followed by social networking time.

Habib dedicated his life and his work to building connections among us. He moved us, both individually and collectively, to work joyfully for a deeper community. His vision, humility, generosity, justice seeking,
loving-kindness, network weaving and his phenomenal hugs inspired the many communities he graced with his presence.

Habib, may your presence live on. May we all learn from your spirit.

Donations to the Duwamish Nation are gratefully accepted in lieu of flowers.

Please also contibuting your reflections on Habib to an on-line memorial that can be found at http://wiserearth.org/group/habibsgarden

More on Community Managers… September 20, 2007

Over at fast wonder again…trying to find the time to read and respond to Dawn’s points about community managers.

Today, I added:

Great list! Synthesizer comes to mind. The ability to take an existing conversation, and restate it so people feel heard and new conversationalists can easily grasp content seems very useful. Of course this might be context dependent. Taking this a step further, from summarizing to encouraging forward movement of the conversation and related actions seems important to me too.

Which responds….to…well, here it is, but check it out on her space too!

What skills do I think it takes to manage a community?

* Patience. The community manager should not be the one responding to all of the questions. She needs to hold back and let others within the community participate. This is especially true when someone in the community is being particularly difficult. It can be easy to fire off an angry response that might be regretted later, but waiting until the emotions cool a bit can make the response more thoughtful and constructive. This includes patience with newbie community members. She may have heard the question a million times from other newbies, but this is probably the first time this particular person has asked the question. Taking a little time to welcome new community members while pointing them to a list of helpful resources (nicely) can go a long way toward helping to grow your community.
* Networking. The best community managers are the ones who seem to know everyone and have a large group of colleagues who can help in various ways. These people do not typically acquire large networks by accident; they have good networking skills and are constantly meeting new people and growing their network.
* Communication. Community managers should be great communicators. In some communities where the interactions are primarily online, good writing skills are essential. Public speaking skills can also be required for those community managers who also spend time organizing community events, evangelizing, and speaking at conferences on topics related to the community.
* Facilitation. I spend a fair amount of time making sure that the right people are involved and engaged in the community. No one person can (or should) respond to every question or comment, so the community manager is frequently in the position of facilitating the discussions.
* Technical Skills. Having at least a basic understanding of the technologies used in your community are important. This varies widely depending on the community. In my case, the ability to administer the Clearspace installation, maintaining and writing web pages, bug tracking software, svn, etc. have been really helpful. I find that my background as a sys admin has been really helpful in this job. Not all community managers need to be highly technical. It certainly helps to be able to do some things yourself, but in my case, I do what I can and rely on our hosting provider, our web developer, and other developers at Jive to help with the tricky stuff.
* Marketing. For those of us managing developer communities, marketing may seem like a dirty word, but yes, marketing skills are a requirement. The community manager needs to be able to promote community activities, solicit new members, and in general get the word out about the community.
* Self Motivation. In most cases, no one will be looking over the community manager’s shoulder telling him what to do. He needs to be self motivated to do whatever it takes to keep the community active and healthy without much direction from others.
* Workaholic Tendencies. I do not mean that the community manager must work all the time; however, most communities do not exist in the 9-5 work hour schedule. People from all time zones participate at all hours of the day. Community managers probably want to at least check in on the community outside of business hours and respond to any hot topics or heated debates. This ties into the self motivation skills described above.
* Organization. Community managers should also be organized. Keeping track of loose ends, making sure that questions are answered, being able to organize events, etc. all require good organizational skills and attention to detail. This is probably the toughest one for me. Although I tend to be highly organized, I tend not to be particularly attentive to details. I’m working on it

I have no doubt that there are more skills required for community managers, but I think this is a pretty good start. This list may also be a bit skewed toward those who manage developer communities or open source communities, since these are the types of communities that I have managed. I would be very interested to hear perspectives from other community managers here in the comments. What skills do you think are most important for community managers?

Motivating Participation September 14, 2007

Recently I was asked how to increase attendance at a gathering. I came up with a few simple questions to consider. Look at three perspectives.

1. The participants–who are they? There may be several audiences, and for each one, figure out what they want to get or are getting from the gathering.

2. Your perspective–why are you inviting them? What do you want to get from their attendance and participation? List separately for each audience group.

3. Observer perspective–what will the outcome of the gathering be? What will the world be able to see, touch, taste, smell, or feel because of the participation?

Now, what do you do with that? Use #1 to develop your strategy of attraction of participants. Use #2 to identify the proportional blend you want to have of different audience groups. Do you need idea generators? Processors to move ideas along? Finishers to put ideas into action? And #3 is useful for attracting funding and sponsorship.

Incentives, and this is just a starter list, might be:
# association (other people to connect with–especially face to face if they know each other virtually)
# reputation (most active in the field or other recognition of effort is honored)
# growth (learn something)
# inspiration (this is usually why a well-regarded speaker works)
# challenge (opportunity to collaborate on something vital)
# recognition (building their own visibility–like getting acknowledged for doing a cool video etc)
# play (to laugh and be creative)
# delight (good food, good sensate experience)
# narrative (fits into their story of who they are and why they do what they do)
# contribution (opportunity to give to the group)
# influence (able to change others or environment)
# stuff (things people can take with them and help develop branding and identity)

I strongly encourage visual mapping to show the relationships between people and between motivations/incentives and people.

Once you are clear about who to invite and why (for them, for you, and for others), then develop your message to each audience considering the benefit they receive for attending and participating. Then, also, consider what that benefit gets for them. Does it save them time or money? Does it develop their reputation or acknowledge them? Consider Maslow’s hierarchy. What core need is met?

There is much more depth to this than I can address in a single blog post, but this gets us off to a good start. What would you add to the incentives? Are there other valuable perspectives to consider? Is there a good way to create a matrix for organizing the information? What visual techniques would reveal the most useful information?

Serving, Fixing, and Helping September 11, 2007

Recently I (virtually) met Cory who heads up the Action Hero Network. He sent this out to us from the facebook group.

In the Service of Life

Serving is different from helping.
Helping incurs debt. But serving, like healing, is mutual.
Serving is also different from fixing. There is distance
between ourselves and whatever or whomever we are fixing.
Fixing is a form of judgement. All judgement creates
distance, a disconnection, an experience of difference.
If helping is an experience of strength, fixing is an
experience of mastery and expertise.
Service on the other hand, is an experience of mastery,
surrender, and awe. We cannot serve at a distance.
We can only serve that to which we are profoundly connected,
that which we are willing to touch.
We serve life not because it is broken, but because it is holy.

Adapted from Rachel Naomi Remen

(found on Argon’s page: http://people.tribe.net/argonvancouver )

Indeed. I like this description very much. It resonates deeply with the way I was trained to think with coaching and trained to see philanthropy. (Yes, I know that is not at all what most people would assume philanthropy is–but let us hope for a transformation in this direction where serving is the form of contribution.)